Dell on Narcissists

I've had my one perfect cup of coffee this morning and am totally refreshed after a weekend of Father's Day activities. As a grandfather who has parented both his daughter and grand-daughter, I can honeslty say I have been two very different fathers. The first time around I was on auto-pilot; whereas with the arrival of fourteen year-old, Shelley, I got a chance to understand what had gone wrong the first time around and how I could acquire healthy parenting skills. But first I had to own the size of my parenting problem and some behaviours I had acquired without even noticing the destructive effect they had on those I loved.

Paul Meier co-authored one of Shelley's favourite self-help books, Love is a Choice. His latest co-authored book is You Might Be a Narcissist If... - How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and What We Can Do About It . This is my bedside book for frequent review, because those behaviours, even a small number of them, are unhealthy in ourselves and those with whom we interact. Narcissistic traits were learned as a child but I could only address these traits when I recognized them for what they were. Too often, someone will recognize a certain pattern in an abusive spouse, but fail to see their employer or best friend has similar traits, if not to the same degree. The pattern may be narcissism under various guises. Personally, the worst of narcissism was realizing I failed to see it in myself: comfortably numb [not in the Led Zeppelin way, either!]

Another timely book, is last year's The Entitlement-Free Child: Raising Confident and Responsible Kids in a "Me, Mine, Now!" Culture by Karen Deerwester. As the saying goes, Any man can be a father... raising a child requires thought and actions geared to preparing that child for the challenges of the future.



Grandparents have a special role to play in today's busy world: raising or assisting in the raising of grandchildren. Understanding changing social structures and their impact on those we love provides the groundwork to being a better parent. Whether you are a first time parent or grand parent, or simply interested in self-improvement, these books are worthwhile additions to any library.

Summer has officially arrived. Shelley's friend, Kevin, has stayed on at camp here for another day and the two of us are heading outside to catch some rays.